The Frickin' Movies won't play! What gives?!
There is no reason to get all pissy when web movies fail to play properly - or play at all. This goes for ANY website not just mine so relax and follow these easy steps and you should be watching all the free web porn... uh, I mean illegal Hollywood video's, er... uh, I mean samples of demo reels in no time.
1. Whether you have a MAC or a PC you should download and install the absolutely FREE and incredibly kick ass QUICKTIME 7 PLAYER from Apple's website. Don't buy the pro version if you don't need it. The free player will get you watching ALMOST EVERY KIND OF VIDEO ON THE WEB and all you have to do is follow the simple instructions and then maybe restart your computer. Here: Quicktime 7 for OSX or Quicktime 7 for Windows. Just follow the instructions.
2. If you are still on a dial up modem and you are bitching about watching web video's you are an idiot. You really need a Broadband connection - DSL, a CABLE modem or better - in order to fully experience everything that is cool about the internet. It's not that a dial up connection won't work... just that it is really, really, really slow. The internet is great on a Cable modem. I suggest you jump in, pony up the twenty-four bucks a month and join the rest of us as soon as possible. Just think of the money you'll save downloading all that free music.
3. Sometimes you need to clean your system. And by this I don't mean increasing your bran intake. I mean you need to go into your web browser's preferences and delete the web history files and maybe even the memory files (called cache files). This is something that is very easy to do, usually helps web pages load faster and gets rid of little hidden marketing files called cookies that can bog down your internet browser. Just do a google search on cleaning your system or call any child over the age of four who knows all about the internet and will grow up not knowing why the TV and the computer are seperate entities. Ask them to explain it to you. It is easy and costs nothing!
4. Update your OS. Whatever computer Operating System you are using (OSX, Microsoft XP Home, XP Pro) make sure you have the latest security updates and drivers. These are free and usually help to keep things running smoothly. And always get them directly from the Microsoft or Apple websites.
5. There are really only 4 different kinds of web movie players, all of which are FREE and work on both the Apple and PC platform (assuming your computer is from this century). The movie players are: Quicktime, Windows Media Player , Real One Player, and Macromedia Flash Player . Download and install the latest free players from the links and you should be set.
Web Movie Types:
There are many ways to create internet movies (by using the many various different codecs available these days you can create different kinds of web video from the same movie. Just like you can buy twenty or so different kinds of 4 door SUV's - but in the end they all get you and the kids to the ballgame, some just guzzle more gas and have better rims). But pretty much if you have ALL of the 4 free media players mentioned above installed on your computer - and there is no reason that you should NOT have them - they are FREE after all - you will be able to watch a good 95% of what is out there on the internet. The other 5%? Who cares. Most movies are crap anyway. Read a book.
Yeah, yeah, yeah wiseass... I followed all your stupid steps to internet movie Nirvana and guess what? The Movies still won't play! What gives?
It is possible that the server is down, the server is busy servicing other people and you might have to wait (much like what happens in a deli, a bank, or a high priced call girl operation), or that there are internet updates going on when you are trying to access certain files, all possibilities that happen regularly (particularly the high priced call girl situation with my one friend Alex). It is also likely that you are caught in The Matrix and all of your life is a lie. Things, however, could be worse. You could be caught in The Matrix 2, or the ever so shitty Matrix Revolutions, and good God, how awful would that be? Try again later, Keanu.
On getting Internet Viruses:
If you are worried about internet viruses - or you have been unlucky enough to have one kill your system - or you are just paranoid living in fear of the man, then I have a simple solution for you: get a MAC. There has yet to be a virus written which has affected the Apple Operating System. And here is a little known fact for all you cheap skates out there that can't resist that $200 Dell asscrack that they advertise on the Used Christians' Old Car Network - get a USED Mac like a G4 Desktop. They are very cheap, they will retain their value (unlike your Dell), usually come loaded with software on them, and are really easy to update, fix, and maintain. I have had 6 Apple computers in my day (and a few PC's too) and so far - no viruses on the MAC's - no crashes that weren't easily fixed - and I can even run an actual PC (Windows XP pro) and any PC software on my Mac at the same time as my MAC is running - with a little program called Virtual PC. So get one.